How often are you actually fully present in this now moment?
Very often our moments can be taken up with planning for the future, reflecting on the past, or full resistance on what is happening so we take our focus elsewhere. This can look like stress, invasive compulsive thoughts, mental complaining about our life and the situation we find ourselves in, focusing and building on the latest drama. Does any of this sound familiar? Whilst we are going through the above we are missing the beauty of presence, the calm loving and compassionate practice where instead of resisting what is, we bring our full awareness to it with a loving and gentle energy. Let me tell you this can be truly difficult especially if you are currently experience pain of any kind, be it physical, mental or emotional but once achieved gives access to truly beautiful moments.
I’ll share a story here of when I ruptured a disc in my back, and no I’m not exaggerating as I’ve had slipped discs also extremely painful but I had ruptured the disc in my lower back and damaged the nerves so was numb down my leg and foot but had the greatest sciatic pain leaving me wailing and in a crumpled heap on the floor trying to find some way of stopping the killer spasms, whilst also consuming 24 pain killers a day of various strengths- it was hellish! This went on intensely for a month, but I remember the moment when I started to cope with it and started the healing journey. I was panting on the floor in a spasmodic pain moment in the middle of the night -I’d had to roll out of bed onto the floor- I was feeling so desperately sorry for myself because of this pain that was stealing my life, the tears were literally flowing -Note, tears are a sign of surrendering to the situation. and I thought “but this is where I am, this is my current situation!” and I started to breathe deeper, slower, and releasing it with a sigh, the pain was my experience and rather than always resisting it, fighting it I went into a state of accepting it, a state of what felt like deep concentration to really lean into my pain and the experience, within moments it began to pass, I rolled into the position the physio had showed me so it would really subside and began to realise that the whole time of this injury I had either been trying to ignore it, resist or fight or flight it. Not once had I just leaned into it -basically because it was so sore that I literally wanted to jump right out of this painful body of mine – which I couldn’t actually do! It began to make me realise what it must be like for people with severe mental or emotional pain how they just are in a state of not being able to “bare” the present moment so we naturally will disassociate, distract, numb ourselves with drink or drugs (prescribed or illegal) just to get through the intense and painful moments. It was actually a bit of an awakening for me.
Anyway leaning into the pain, accepting with compassion the pain that I was feeling was the beginning of the end for me, it helped me to tolerate the spasms more, work through the recovery and meet the challenges not with fear of pain but knowledge that the pain and myself will have to work together, I meditated on the pain, listened to the pain…and do you know where it actually took me? It took me to unprocessed grief at the loss of two of my brothers (their is proven evidence somewhere (sorry but if you google you will find) that our body will hold unprocessed emotional pain, and my resistance to grieving linked in to this physical pain)) I had done bits of grieving for them but I’m very good at sidestepping my needs to focus on others, and in the deep exploration of the pain I was experiencing as I began to dig deep this is what I came to realise. So I cried for them, I didn’t skip or flip my thoughts away as I had been whenever I was hit with sadness about their passing through the gates where I could physically no longer see them. I began to heal and I began to focus on healing, strengthening and working on caring for my body, it is a mission I completely value 18 months later.
…So the reason for that personal disclosure was to share the power of Presence even in hard times, through accepting THIS NOW MOMENT however it comes, with whatever challenges it brings, taking the approach of “Well This IS Where I AM!” we lose resistance, catch up with or return our focus to ourselves in the moment and from there in a centred place we can begin to truly appreciate what a state of presence can bring to us and this beautiful life.
Ways to help yourself with this is through Mindfulness and Meditation practice – we don’t practice this to get good at them as such we practice to get good at life! By journaling and exploring your thoughts and feelings, and by trusting that these difficult moments are showing up to you now as an opportunity to heal. The best way of healing is to be present with yourself and where you are.
Written with love with the intention that it may help someone…
Journaling prompts
If this pain could really ask for what it needs what would it be?
What is the resistance to this now moment about?
What is this Now moment bringing me, showing me and why?